Well, I've decided to share one of my greatest fear. It's been dwindling around my secondary school years and I still can't get over it cause its a one sided thing. I've told myself to let go cause as if I'm the only one suffering here, and she doesn't even know what I've become or gone through. She doesn't even care about my existence. Everyday I would rethink and rewind the days where we would spend together, it seemed like a few minutes ago. Certainly, I would constantly pour my heart out to this mediator whenever the feels arrived. She said, "I'm sorry for not talking to you those days.". After then, we went back to our separate ways and never had a so called friendly conversation again. That's when I started to reflect myself. My bits of speech and action that leads to her decision of drifting further away from the point of our friendship. I am not going back, I said. But, I can't free myself to not care for her, so, I'd decided to give her birthday presents every year, or even Christmas gifts. But through my good buddy, or through mail.
And that's what I thought. Always.
Not until when the loyal mediator spilled everything out to me about this person. The middle line finally cleared the fog for me. It turned out that both of the parties do care for each other, but doesn't want to commit so much. *Sigh*, it's still the same for me. We're not turning back to where we came from. I would say that our [love-hate] relationship is kinda... complicated
In the end, I would still thank my buddy for willingly reluctantly be our mediator. Also, I thank her for teaching me how to hear from my heart, and be truthfully happy.///
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