You couldn't do it, could you

Ok, so seriously, I am fighting with my inner self these days, and I often wonder why am I so ruthless and selfish, why do I even start to care more about my pride than her life? That, fragile, innocent life is so dangerous out there. And I can do something, but I held my hands back. I shouldn't have let her go like this, it's my fault right now. That moment when I looked away, is the worst decision I've made in my life. But how can I overcome all these doubts of false hope? All these possibilities that linger around my heart, although it's my brain that thinks. And the more I reminisce, the hurtful it gets. God, would you come and comfort me in my darkest pit? When I need you, I close my eyes, and I hope that all these never happened at all. Maybe there's a purpose for another wave, I's struggling right now and you know that. So, please, that knot is going to break any sooner, help me. Accept this rescue call, would you?